Free Me

you only gotta raise your eyes and see me fly.


the truth is, i'm insecure . . . just like you. but i'd like to think, i'm insecure only some of the time. can you be insecure only "some" of the time? i've got everything i need not to be insecure yet still i find myself self-doubting, imposing limits, trying to control time and not working nearly as hard as i could be. don't get me wrong. i am incredibly grateful for all that i have. if you think about it, worrying about insecurity is almost a blessing. i do have to remind myself that there are people in this world that worry about far greater things. i suppose it's kind of like how a turtle only grows as big as his environment will let him. our worries will only grow as big as our environment will let them. 


i have to think that, with all the ways of doing things on this Earth, i should stop trying to live the "right" way. most of the time what we consider to be right or wrong are established based on comparing ourselves to what other's believe to be right or wrong. there are obvious things that are wrong. things that only take common sense. i think that if your intentions are well, that's all that really matters. each person has to create their own world of what is right and wrong for them. and what is right for me, may very well not be right for you. but judgement should never come into play if people have opposing viewpoints. judgement is a joke and a sad waste of time. there are many things wrong with this world and i'm skeptical that will ever change . . . but i do have hope and belief in the power of all of us. in the power of the individual. i do think that we, with the help of God, create our own destinies. we are the masters. books upon books will tell you this, but until you thoroughly understand what it is to be God, then i don't know if you can ever be free. and once you understand it, then you have to put it into action . . . because what's the point of inhibiting God and not doing much with it.


i want to do great things. i will do great things. you will too. if you want. i feel like i've been preparing for a marathon but never actually getting to run the thing. never feeling accomplishment so big i could burst at the seams. i start off with solid intentions, full of confidence and excitement . . . well, this time, i really want to see some results. from this moment on . . . here's what i want to do :

• start my own freelance makeup business 
• LAND an agent
• do lots of yoga ( if you're in the GTA, best yoga studio alive; Kula )
• meditate
• do lots of cardio 
• continue singing lessons
• continue to develop my peace & happiness ( aggressively! )
• take a french class
• book a 15 day trip to Europe for next spring with Ish. (targets : Ireland, France, Italy )
• buy a house
• inspire you
• do more Second City
• have the best blog ever
• book acting roles

all of this is possible. i want it all to happen by this time next year. are you with me? a dear friend and fellow blogger ( A Simple Girl ) posted possibly the best description of "happiness" that i've ever heard in my life from the book i'm currently reading (and is now out in theatres) Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD read it here. we all think a lot alike. we're all searching for the same thing. never forget ( as i'm trying to do ) that what we're searching for is with us at all times . . .  then you will be free.

here are some inspiring tunes from the soul of Joss Stone . . .

ps. have you ever typed 'God' into Google Images? it seems that many think he resembles Ariel's father from The Little Mermaid.

FJ Inspirational Quote of the Day...

Happiness : "Young souls learn to accept responsibility for their actions. Mature souls learn to accept responsibility for their thoughts. And old souls, learn to accept responsibility for their happiness." - The Universe

via Notes from the Universe by Mike Dooley.

Eat, Pray, Love

figuring it out.

i find it fascinating how our minds work. it seems as if we can switch from one opposing thought to another leaving us often times baffled and just as lost as we ever were. i've just started reading what's sure to be one of my favourite books of all time. lent to me by a dear friend, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert has captured my heart and attention within the first few pages. i'm not going to sit here and review the book (that would be silly, I've only started reading it) but i will tell you that she puts into words so wonderfully the full extent of what I'm looking for. some people do not look. something I've realized just recently. we are not taught from a young age that happiness is our personal responsibility. as children, happiness comes from getting the toy you wanted for Christmas or stuffing your face with jujubes and twinkies and sometimes getting to stay up past your bedtime to watch that movie you shouldn't be watching. if only this is what real happiness was about! inspired by a recent note from The Universe, getting to the point in your life where you fully accept responsibility for your own happiness may be one of the most crucial and life changing moments in your entire life.

we can all agree that it is much easier blaming our inadequacies, failures, mistakes and disappointments on anyone but ourselves . . . sometimes we even blame God for the place we find ourselves in at this very moment. but because i personally don't believe God has a predetermined plan for each of us (if He did, then wouldn't we merely be puppets in a puppet show?) and because of the element of free will, this leaves the responsibility of our lives up to us. and our responsibility to ask God for help is ours to bare indeed. God is there to aid, obey and guide us . . . i believe He wants us to find the Godlikeness in ourselves and to be comforted in knowing that at the core of that Godlikeness in us, is unconditional and abundant love that we can call upon whenever we need to. understanding that our happiness is completely in our own hands can seem daunting to some but in essence, i don't think God would have it any other way. i think it's completely necessary for our evolution as a species and finding the perfect balance between (as Gilbert puts it) "worldly pleasures and the devotion to God" or the balance between average and extraordinary. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is . . .  you gotta read this book! and keep searching and searching until you find your perfect balance. don't succumb to just the "worldly pleasures" in this life - you'd be missing out on the most magnificent part. and always know, you're never alone.

I love my family...

Thank you.


Happy Memorial Day Weekend U.S.! And Happy Belated Victoria Day Canada! I hope everyone in the U.S. is enjoying the 3 day weekend and finally... some SoCal weather. What's the deal California? It's been significantly warmer in Toronto than it has been here - which is fine, but I mean REALLY?!? Hehe... kiddings. This is just a little post to declare my unending love for my family. I am so fortunate to have parents who love me unconditionally, a brother who let me boss him around when we were young (that I'm paying for now...) and an extended family that supports me, encourages me and believes in me. These people + Philip + my true friends = all I need in this life. I'm pretty rich. 


An extra "thanks" to my Mom, Dad & Phil who always have my back, help me realize all the good around me and reassure me that no matter what, everything is going to be ok :) I only hope I can do the same for them.


I love you.

( fussyjussy, 2 years old )

( me & daddy )

( me & yacob )

( high school graduation 2005 )

( me & daddy, 2001 )

( fussyjussy xmas morning - another doll! )

( fussyjussy eating chocolate pudding )

<3

The little things...

Be grateful for the small stuff.

We take so much for granted far too often. Life moves very fast and it's important to remind yourself of the little things that are so special. Here are the little things that make my life so fulfilled...

*my little puppy that adores me

*a warm bed to sleep in

*having a husband to come home to everyday, who makes me breakfast when I'm running late in the morning

*the ability to hear & see

*hair

*my freedom

*food when I want it - especially dessert

*having a beach close by

*adding to people's happiness anyway I can

*work

*a view of the Hollywood sign to remind me everyday of where I am and why

*hardwood floors

*friends I can lean on

*a great sense of humor

*optimism

*rhythm & the love to dance

*good taste

*the love I encounter everyday of my life

I hope you take time to stop, look around, and realize all the good that is amongst the bad in life. The potentiel is there in everything and the beautiful gift of free will puts us in the driver's seat of our destiny... with a helping hand always there whenever we need it (a little thing I call, the Universe) I don't believe life is predetermined or a plan has been written with our name on it - if so, what would be the point of free will in the first place? We are given the ability to choose for a reason... whatever or whoever created us obeys our choices and assists us in helping our choices & dreams come to fruition. All you have to do is choose :) Choose to be happy, choose to be positive, choose to love, choose to live an unlimited life where anything is possible...

Happy day! Sending love your way...xo.

Happy...

I just want to be happy.

Thanks to my wonderful father for bringing to my attention Leona Lewis's new single titled, Happy. Enjoy the lyrics, and listen to the song on YouTube.com. I hope all of you are happy =)

HAPPY

Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
You Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:

So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days i feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by the side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me byyyyyyy....

I just want to be happy.

I've been slacking on the posting...but it's my blog so I don't really have to answer to anyone...

I'm honest to a fault.


I have been lazy lately. I've been working ALOT, but being really lazy at the same time. Philip is back home and if I'm not working, I'm spending quality time with him, something that is very important in any healthy relationship. I must say, I have grown immensely in the last 6 months of my life - and it finally feels good! Growing in your life can be painful sometimes, but reaching a new plateau makes the pain so worth it. No pain, no gain, as they say. Who says? I duno.

Phil & I recently saw Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp and we both lurved it. I've always liked Johnny Depp, but I think this movie has made me fall in love with him. Hm, strange. I thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory woulda done the trick, as borderline pedo as he looked in that flick. He is truly one of the most versatille actors of his time. He can be anyone, or anything, and not only do you believe it, but you want to live it. Maybe that's just me being greatly influenced by almost any movie I see. Is there a name for that? A disorder of some sort? I wish I could watch my life like a movie. I highly recommend you see Public Enemies - an embellished little piece of American gangster history with Mr. Depp as John Dilinger. In other news, I have booked my flight back home (and by home I mean where my mom lives) for the end of August and I am incredibly excited to spend time with my family and friends. Come September, I'm hoping Phil & I will have found a new home, or a car, and then I plan to crank back up in my career. What career you ask? The one I'm going to have. I am in a very good place right now in my life and am looking straight ahead at a destiny that is in my control...and it all starts with a thought. If you would like to know more of what I'm talking about, I ENCOURAGE you to check out a SUPERB book I'm reading right now called, Three Magic Words by U.S. Anderson. Atfer I'm finished reading it, I will most likey post a review, but to get you excited - it is guarenteed (by me) to improve your life, and open your eyes to a power we all have but scarcley know how to use. YAY.

Until next time...toodles.