Playing"house" is decieving...

Today, I want to be a kid again.

These days happen from time to time. I wake up really missing my mom, my little bro, the smell of home, the security of childhood, and being tucked in at night. It feels like all of a sudden, I've woken up from this big long dream about what my future will be like as an adult...when I "one day" get there. I was one of those kids who couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't wait to have my own house, to decorate it, to drive a car, to live with my boyfriend, get married, have a career, go out at night, and at one point, to just wear platform shoes (I had a platform shoe thing when I was 10 and my mom wouldn't let me wear them because, well, I was 10) I played "house" all the time. It was my favorite game. The adults around me often said they missed being a kid, and how freeing it was to not have the responsibilities that an adult has. I didn't understand. But "you can drive! you can make money! you can go to dinner parties all dressed up! you can buy a house!" all these things seemed so glamorous to me. OVERRATED.I'm not complaining. I'm just missing.

Phil and I were discussing the beauty of being a child last night. As we all know, the imagination of a child is incredibly unique and powerful. If you don't remember what I'm talking about, take 10 minutes and go watch children play. When they use their mind to imagine that they are different people, living in a different time, the believe it so faithfully. So faithfully that if you try to tell them different, they look at you like you're the crazy one. They have such conviction in what they believe. They have the most optimism of any adult in the world. Anything is possible. This is something we as humans are born with, until something or someone tries to take it away from us. If that something or someone succeeds in taking that optimism from us, then we begin to live in a fearful, limited world. In the book I'm reading Three Magic Words it discusses the power of belief. Look at placebos for example. Deceiving someone into thinking the medication their ingesting will cure the chronic pain in their neck, or help them loose weight just goes to prove that all it takes is belief in something to help manifest it in your life. This says a lot about how to create the life you want. If you have lost that optimism you had as a child, or the imagination to dream up anything, it's not too late! It's still there, hidden away until you decide to call it out again. The burden that society has put on us as adults, that causes us to loose that child-likeness, should be abolished. I want my mom!... and that will never change.

Can you tell I'm really looking forward to my trip home this weekend?

I've been slacking on the posting...but it's my blog so I don't really have to answer to anyone...

I'm honest to a fault.


I have been lazy lately. I've been working ALOT, but being really lazy at the same time. Philip is back home and if I'm not working, I'm spending quality time with him, something that is very important in any healthy relationship. I must say, I have grown immensely in the last 6 months of my life - and it finally feels good! Growing in your life can be painful sometimes, but reaching a new plateau makes the pain so worth it. No pain, no gain, as they say. Who says? I duno.

Phil & I recently saw Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp and we both lurved it. I've always liked Johnny Depp, but I think this movie has made me fall in love with him. Hm, strange. I thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory woulda done the trick, as borderline pedo as he looked in that flick. He is truly one of the most versatille actors of his time. He can be anyone, or anything, and not only do you believe it, but you want to live it. Maybe that's just me being greatly influenced by almost any movie I see. Is there a name for that? A disorder of some sort? I wish I could watch my life like a movie. I highly recommend you see Public Enemies - an embellished little piece of American gangster history with Mr. Depp as John Dilinger. In other news, I have booked my flight back home (and by home I mean where my mom lives) for the end of August and I am incredibly excited to spend time with my family and friends. Come September, I'm hoping Phil & I will have found a new home, or a car, and then I plan to crank back up in my career. What career you ask? The one I'm going to have. I am in a very good place right now in my life and am looking straight ahead at a destiny that is in my control...and it all starts with a thought. If you would like to know more of what I'm talking about, I ENCOURAGE you to check out a SUPERB book I'm reading right now called, Three Magic Words by U.S. Anderson. Atfer I'm finished reading it, I will most likey post a review, but to get you excited - it is guarenteed (by me) to improve your life, and open your eyes to a power we all have but scarcley know how to use. YAY.

Until next time...toodles.